Your dad touched me again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
