Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
