i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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