I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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