thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
