I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
