My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
