Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
