That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
