the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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