connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
