her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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