dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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