I think I won the penis lottery.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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