Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I looked at my own cervix.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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