i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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