why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this will be a night to untag.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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