I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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