Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
