So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
