dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
