is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
