I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
