Princesses don't give blow jobs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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