Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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