How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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