Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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