did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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