porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize