dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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