if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
