Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
