I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
