Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
