I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
