you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
