just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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