He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
