my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
