Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
