so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
