I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize