It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
