And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
