I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
