Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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