So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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