It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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