Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
