Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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