need another drink. this is the easiest way
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
