Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
