I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
