I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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