It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
