i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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