this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
