He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
