god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
