no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby