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Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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