I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.