The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.