Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in