I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
