And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
