on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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