i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
