shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
