The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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