This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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