For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
