Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
