Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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