okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
