he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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