Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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