Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
