Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
