Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize