I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
