I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
