no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
