New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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